


Kaleidoscope

by ana



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Established Relationship, Memories, Moving On, Past Relationship(s), Prose Poem, Survival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 14:49:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ana/pseuds/ana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a kind of prose poem</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kaleidoscope

I know that it’s you; a voice like yours, a phrase you would use, a gesture…  
you think you can trip me, leave me falling into memory,

sometimes you are right

for the longest time I was always there, in that pit with no edges  
standing still as you bleached my bones, my blood, my words

and then you began to shrink, and shrink, and shrink  
lodging your fragments where you would,

your hidden mines resting under my thoughts,   
sometimes the many days make me forget  
  
sometimes

sometimes I remind myself you are part of him,  
my beautiful son. I am forever grateful you have not found him, 

time has left no smudges on my boy, time has kept him whole  
and you cannot touch him. You will not touch him,

but you have not done with me. My bones, my blood, my words  
sing in a kaleidoscope of bright, until you appear again,

a reminder, the fault line, a pit of Nothing to blight where you would,  
so I made a decision, a decision not to forget.   I will not bury you,

I step into all your chasms and stare and stare and stare until you disperse,  
and you do, quicker each time, leaving less of your Nothing behind,

because now he has made these steps lighter:  
my lover, my husband, my partner, my friend.

he knows how to listen. He hears my voice,  
a voice you chose not to hear in any of its blossoming colours,

after all this time I have learnt how to speak.

And I am speaking now. No longer penitent.  No longer yours.

But forever myself.

Goodbye Tien.

Until the next time.

 


End file.
